The thing about the hospital is everything seems like a dream. Sometimes they don’t let you have any piece of technology so you can “work on healing” which makes sense, in a way. Even if you have technology though, it’s not like it really matters. You can get wrapped up on things that are happening online but you can never be in the middle of the drama because you are trapped inside a mental institution! Maybe–hopefully–you are in there because of the social drama you were in the middle of. What a life you must live.
The hospital is not the weird part anymore. The hospital, after two weeks, seems normal. Or there is a sense of normalcy. What is normal anyway? Sorry, getting distracted. But yeah, once the hospital becomes “normal” (scary thought, i know) what is the “real world”? Answer: the same as you left it.
I went off of hospital grounds for the first time in almost a month a little while ago and it was as if nothing had changed. Justin Bieber is still popular (as much as I protest this). Obama is still president. America is still obese. North Korea is still communist. Time moved forward. It’s my life that stayed the same. Being in the hospital did not magically fix the things that got me there in the first place. And that is the bittersweet part of being out of the haven of the hospital. All the stable parts of the world are there but nothing has changed and nothing really feels stable. The world didn’t alter for you and sometimes sitting with that sucks. All I’m saying is don’t get the idea that the world will ever adjust for you because it won’t. You have to change yourself to bear the world but that is okay. Just because the world doesn’t fit your standards or you’ve lived a shitty life so far does not mean that you can just expect things will get better. You have to make them improve and that advice is so much easier to give than to digest, I know.
People move on and so can you. Maybe you need to spend some time in the Loony Bin and that’s okay. People don’t have to know. It can be your secret. I won’t tell. Just don’t wait around for the world to fit your standards and want out when that doesn’t happen. You are stronger and braver than that. Don’t come to the hospital after you’ve just tried to kill yourself because that sucks. Realize it now and do something. The hospital may not be the place for everyone but it may be a nice temporary one for you. Maybe not though. Maybe you are happy and that is fantastic just maybe you aren’t. All I’m trying to say is you got to change the way you see things and I am trying to help you change the way you see the mental health system for the better. Don’t know if I did but hey, a girl’s gotta try.
In My Mind 